His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
