Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
