nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
