I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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