Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
