it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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