Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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