giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my poor anus
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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