when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Actions speak louder than pants.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
