That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
