It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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