I will die if light touches me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You are the jesus of drinking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
