I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
