i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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