I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
