he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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