# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
