Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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