We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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