I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize