Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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