I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
