.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
