do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
