I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
