I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
