a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
