I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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