He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
