Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
