either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
