watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
