If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
