hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
