Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so let's talk penis.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize