what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize