i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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