its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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