I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
