We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
