I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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