he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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