I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
