I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
