she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
