i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just cropdusted the office
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize