Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Please don't give away my fajitas
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
