my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
