I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize