Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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