He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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