The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
