the condom got lost in my hair
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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