I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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