Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need to calm my uterus...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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