am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've changed since you got that strap on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize