glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
