I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
