i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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