He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
honey bunches of taint.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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