Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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