I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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