My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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