Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
