This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
