I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
