i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
