Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The air was thick with penises
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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