I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
