If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
