My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
