any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
